i chilled with faye in the cafe yesterday evening....faye seems like such a sweet, goody-goody girl, but she's actually a total badass. it's so weird that she's 19 and engaged. but she's so open about her life and sarcastic (in a good way) that she makes up for other weirdness. i saw russ but he was baked out of his skull (as usual) and he barely had anything to say to me...he's much more cheery in the early afternoon, when he actually knows his name. *lol* i haven't seen andy in ages. :( he's really depressed about his illness, and his meds make him so sleepy that he's in bed by 10 every night. i don't want him to feel like everyone's abandoned him, but he's kind of shut himself off from the world...i don't feel comfortable going to see him cos i know he just wants to be alone. me, nat, and donna are really worried about him but we don't know what to do....all we can do is try to cheer him up, i guess. he's got to realized that this thing he's facing isn't the end of the world and that he can surpass it and live a normal life.
i saw liz & co. yesterday before they went out...bigfoot (donna's apt moniker) came out of the stairwell and graced me with a huge, tipsy smile. then she started talking to me all friendly-like. now, there are very few people who i dislike, and as anyone who's talked to me knows, i'm one of the friendliest, nicest people around. but some individuals just rub me the wrong way, you know? i get a bad feeling about them. and bigfoot, aka becky, aka dogface (if you ask linda), is one of them. she's always treated me like complete crap. the first time we met, i smiled and shook her hand, and she looked at me like something gross the cat dragged in. she's a very mean, snotty, bitchy individual. but now she has a very obvious case of "ex-girlfriend syndrome"....read, she's utterly and totally intimidated by me because she's dating/was dating/is in some vague netherworld of sort-of-going-out-with my ex. so she's tripping all over herself trying to be extra-super-sweet to me. of course i was perfectly polite to her yesterday (she invited me to liz's birthday thing at on tap next friday, ugh, i hate on tap, it's such a sleazy meat market), but i can't help wondering why she's being so nice to me. maybe i'm over-analyzing things. maybe she just realized that being a total snob to me wasn't exactly fair. maybe she's turned around and is actually a very nice person now. or maybe she's just afraid of me. i tend to think it's the latter, although i am a very very non-threatening individual (or i'd like to think of myself that way, in any case....). it wasn't very nice of liz not to invite me to any of her birthday stuff this weekend. :( but i could tell by her tone when she mentioned it before that i wasn't exactly welcome with her preppy-girl crowd, so that's alright. i really love liz, so i don't mind her being mean sometimes. it's obvious that she prefers becky's company to mine, but whatever, i don't care. i never had anything against becky, i just don't understand why the girl had to be such a snob to me. maybe everyone's right and she is just jealous. she seems like the kind of girl who tries very, very hard to fit in and never quite makes it.
egads, i've been babbling randomly for what seems like ages........i feel so awful, too, because i suspect the last paragraph might make me out to be a very mean, insensitive individual. truth is, if i could just be friends with everyone, i would. i really love people. but so many of them are unforgivably mean to me, so i'm forced not to like them. i just wish it didn't have to be so.....
why can't everyone just be nice?!